So I’ll start here by saying that I first took some scn courses because I had a boss who was an auditor and she and her husband (who had an anger management issue) managed a doctor’s office. The doctor was the overseeing doctor for a purification rundown in Sacrament, the husband and wife team were the case managers. I was the billing clerk and shared an office with her. I was married and just bought our 2nd home, and needed a job to pay my mortgage. My husband also had a raging drug addiction that was getting worse. The boss asked me if I’d like to attend a lecture at her church. She told me it was scn. and asked me of I’d heard of scn. I said not really, but that I’d seen the huge building off the main freeway in L.A. where I grew up. I think it is the 110. And I asked her “you aren’t talking about those phony born-agains are you, you aren’t like them are you”? She laughed and we made plans to go to this lecture at the org. My then husband and I. So we went, took a personality test”, went to a boring lecture and went out to dinner. And of course the test was to tell me how totally screwed up my husband and I were. (I kind of knew this anyway). The husband wasn’t interested and I think he was even high at the lecture. He was into a lot of pot, and that crystal meth stuff which eventually landed him in jail.
A few days later the boss asked me if I wanted to take a “communication course” at the org. And being the super curious person that I am I said yes. I was about 29 years old. My boss even paid for the course, at that time it was $44. The course was very very cool, especially the bull-baiting. I got bullbaited on farts. I laughed so much, I thought this place is great, they would go and find people who would sit in front of me and fart and fart trying to flatten my button. It still isn’t flat. During this time my husband was noticing changes in me, could not explain it, so accuses me of having an affair with the Div 6 Supervisor. Every time he’d call the house when I was late for course it freaked out my paranoid druggy husband. I thought it was funny and laughed at him. All this time I was now around people who were clean, no drugs and not drinking. This was great for me. I felt clean and like I was starting over anew. Turning over a new leaf. The course changed my life (for a while at least). I was ‘uptone’ and began to feel super happy and ‘keyed-out’. And I started eating a lot of vitamins. I started the purif right there in the office at work. And then everything was going in the right direction. I decided to get a divorce but my husband didn’t believe that I was divorcing him. I gave him an ultimatum and a date that he needed to be off drugs, he told me to get f***ed. I found a legal place and started the divorce. HE and our then roommate who lived on the sofa (one of his alcoholic and druggy buddies from work), moved out and into a motel together. They were a real pair.
I started spending a lot of time at work and finished the Purif. Then he got thrown into jail for possession. I found out days later when he asked me if he could come back and get off drugs. I set him up with the Purif reg and they got about $1200 from his parents to get him off drugs. So I allowed him to move back in and he got into the Purif. I even allowed him to not work so that he could concentrate on his life. Some scientologists even found a new job at a print shop owned by scientologists. He was no longer with the druggies at his old job. He finished the Purif and we were still together. Then he began TR’s and Objective’s immediately. He began getting really confused and had a lot of MU’s thrown at him. And he’d come home upset. HE felt like they were trying to make him look dumb. I realize he had really low self-esteem. And I found out his parents began a program of slamming scn. Eventually they succeeded and I remember they even drove out to where we lived (an 8 hour drive) and wanted to save him from the cult, calling the scn. “a bunch of cocksuckers”. He was right, but still, it didn’t help my husband. During this time I had a falling out with my boss after I didn’t want to take another course in scn. and I inherited a bunch of money from a relative passing away. IT was someone I was very close to and I was grieving over it. My boss would ask me to lunch and then try and reg me for the money for “the Bridge”. In hindsight I should have kept my mouth shut and told nobody about the money. Needless to say, they got none of it. And I got real mad at my boss for trying to take my money. As I saw it, it was my money, and I could to as I dammed well pleased with it. She even told the org who in turn sent the Div 6 Sup to my house one day to try and talk me into giving him the money. I made him a glass of iced tea and said “no”. Then the next day I went to the org and told him I didn’t want anything else to do with the c of s and to stop calling me. And that my husband is upset and that I am keeping my money. And I did! My boss who had also began auditing me by that time, was upset. Everyone was telling me it was my “reactive mind” doing all that to me. But no it wasn’t , it was my common sense and gut instinct that these people didn’t give a rat’s ass about me. And I began looking for another job and told a few co-workers I was planning to leave the job as soon as I found something. And being the backstabbers that they were, they told my boss, she fired me. I was out of a job, a mortgage to pay and a husband who had reverted back to drugs.
He then began socializing with a whole new bunch of people I didn’t even know. I later found out that they were a bunch of “born-again Christians”. One guy named Carl even worked at the local Christian radio station.
And he had met a 19 year-old girl too. But I didn’t find this out until months later. He was still living in my home and we were getting along, and his eyes were a bright blue. Bluer than I’d ever seen them before. Every once in a while we’d go to /a party of some kind of get-together and he’d be looking around for some drugs to snort. I’d get really pissed off at him. I felt like I was baby-sitting an adult child. I thought that he is clean, but still the same person. And he blew from the TR’s and Objectives course.
A few months later he was full on back on drugs, staying out all night and my life as I knew it fell apart.
I found a new job immediately at a billing company and it was part-time but less money than I made before. Many nights I’d come home from work late at 10 and my husband was already out for the night. I had late hours at that job. One night I called the radio station and got this Carl guy on the phone who told me that my husband was “friendly with” a young girl named Susie who was 19. I had him busted. But I waited a few days, came home again one night when he was not there and pushed the redial button and got this Susie’s dad. He told me he had a daughter named Susie and I asked if he knew someone by the name of Mark. He indeed did, and said Susie has a boyfriend named Mark. I told him that is my husband who I’ve been married to for 5 years now. And asked him where they were, he wouldn’t tell me. And I told him I was going to hurt her when I found her. He got upset and I got off the phone. 10 or 15 minutes later the husband rolls up in the driveway. I confront him and he denies it. That pissed me off, I started yelling about her dad Bob and what he’d told me. then he admitted to this other girl. I was crying and he left with a few of his clothes. I was about 30 at that time.
A month goes by and he has gotten his belongings out of the home and I am depressed. The then wife of the guy who regged my husband for the Purif calls me. She is telling me to come down to the org and just hang out and be around uptone people. I say no way. She continues calling me. By this time I have lost my other job and I am on unemployment and so depressed I won’t even sleep in my bed where I slept with my husband. And he has moved into a house with the 19 year old and is back on meth. And it never occurred to me that I have not finished the paperwork for my divorce. And this person at the org continues calling me. She is a friend because her husband and she lived in my home with my husband and me while I had that job with at the doctor’s office that was being managed by the auditor and her husband. They live with us for a few months, but the wife (the one who was then calling me) was crazy. So after about 2 months I am so lonely desperate for friends after my divorce and split from my husband, and wanting to get a life, that I decide to go to the org and get on course. They even allow me to do the course my husband started and never finished. And while I was on the TR’s and Objectives I was approached by the man who later became a very close friend to me. But whose wife was a jealous and insecure ED. He signs me to the typical 2 1/2 year contract and I start filing in the folder room. I even read the folder they had for my husband and saw all the lies he was telling them about me. It was horrible. I found out that my husband was just so pissed off about me throwing him out that he only came and got on lines for that short time was to get revenge on me.
So I throw myself into my job at the org and my course as I always do when I am into something. I even find a new job that I can do in my free time and still be on staff, a job that pays my mortgage. Then I immediately get a roommate through the man who is married to the jealous ED. He puts his feelers out and finds me a roommate and a job, then another job. And I am turning my life around and I am happy.
The first post I am put onto is in the Tech division. The guy who is my senior is an auditor and he starts pursuing me. He has a girlfriend too. They live together. Eventually he leaves her and he moves in with the ethics officer and his wife. They are renting out rooms to pay their mortgage. So we go on a date and then we go back to my house and he rapes me. But I do nothing about it. Then the girlfriend finds out about me and the shit hits the fan at the org. I leave town and go to Orange County to get away. When I go back I get a call from the org and I go down there. I am getting questioned about this asshole. But the ED could not care less what happened to me. So when I tell the ED’s husband what my senior did to my leg (when he threw me down) he figures out what happened and then he decides to take me out of that division and they come down on him hard. I don’t remember too many details but just that this guy was on notice for what he did for a long while. And his girlfriend was trashing me all over the org. In retrospect I should have left for good at that point. How stupid I was. I did actually refuse to go into the org and the ED sent this jerk that manhandled me previously, over to my house to “handle” me. Again, I should have not opened my door. But I did. He basically told me that he is getting back together with the girlfriend and that I should come back and get back on course. I say no. He leaves.
Then I was pulled back in the org by that man Warren who over and over talks me back into being on staff during the 4 years I am there. I think I quit 3 times in total. I am put into Treasury and the Treas Sec knows all about the episode with the idiot who was my senior. And I do a lot of work in the Treasury. I even take work home and do it. Then this man Warren who is the senior for the PPO asks me to be the PPO and I say yah, since he has been so nice to me during all this turmoil. And he isn’t on the side of the jerk. So I go full full-time at the org and I start hiring people like they’ve never seen before. My stats are super high; I just hire everyone I see. One of the people I hired is still a friend of mine. I stay on that post for quite some time and I am still in my home and my mortgage is current, things are still good. Then I start hanging out with Warren who is married to the ED and she begins to get jealous and everyone notices us all the time. He was just a super nice man who happened to me married to the ED. We would go to the auction which is called a ‘swap meet” in L.A. and we’d sell books on weekends to wogs. Then my stats on my PPO post begin to fall and he replaces me with my friend and she never hires but 1 or 2 people. And all this time the EDD hates me for being such good friends with her husband. But she has her own stuff going on too. And they barely talk. He becomes like my best friend, but nothing physical. He has parents that are very wealthy and she has obviously married him for his family money I figure out. And he owns a lot of property and rents it out to staff members.
I start to spend too much time in scientology and my earnings go down and my mortgage gets behind then and things start to get bad for me. As soon as I loose my home I start to lose my self-respect and hate myself. And I am paying cheap rent to a landlord whose wife is the ED. I am “moonlighting” and on staff full-time and I am not sleeping and not eating much. Most of the temp assignments do not go permanent because I was too tired to work hard. But I make just enough to live there and be on staff. But I am miserable. And I now am on a post in the Academy, an admin post, but I am still good at that. This all happens within about a 3-year span. And then I get this roommate who was a crazy. She was on staff in L.A. and I allow her to live with me. And soon we are fighting, but I am not the only one she fights with. And she isn’t paying rent. I get so disgusted with everyone that I find a new place to live with a wog woman who owns a huge mansion and she charges me almost nothing to live there. My life starts to get better and I am doing better at my jobs and now I have some distance from the ED and the crazies around her and her husband. I live in that home for almost a year. And then for some reason I cannot remember, I move twice in a row. First to a scientologists rented house, whose wife has left him and I rent a room from him. He charges me cheaply also as I am on staff. So he is renting a house and decides to move and I have to scramble to find a new place. I go and live with this girl who is an on-again-off-again scientologist who is ‘out ethics’, on welfare and had 3 illegitimate kids. And her house is filthy. So this man Warren who is married to the ED of the Sacramento org, again says I can move to his little granny house next to where he lives, which is on a street full of prostitutes who walk around in broad daylight. And he doesn’t charge me much rent. And I am not at the org much at that point, just part-time. But I am seriously thinking of leaving.
I called one of my temp assignments where I once put in an application and they say to come in for an interview. They hire me as the typist at enough money to move out on my own. So I take the job, but I have to be at work at 5:30 a.m. But I do it because I need to. Then I start to get really depressed as I am next door to the ED and she is talking shit to me on the phone saying things like “are you flushing your tampons down the toilet”! I swear to God this bitch had the filthiest mouth and she stunk like a pig. (Worse than a pig, I like pigs better than I liked her). So I start to get super angry, but this time I have left staff for good, because the ED issues an interrogatory on me about gossip. Her interrogatory was to find out what I was saying about her to others. And I see this interrogatory in everyone’s basket and ask her what it’s about. She looks through me and gets up and goes outside to smoke. So that was the last night I was in the org on staff. I decide to move out and get the hell away from these sick people for good. But before I go I raise some hell. First I secured my new job and then my new apartment. I slept on the floor of my new apartment for about a week without furniture just to get into my new place. But before I go, I cannot recall everything in the exact order these events happened. But at some point I went down to the org and yelled at the ED’s buddy, a woman who was on a post in OSA and they issued a non-enturbulation order. And so after I got that I again went to the org and wrote knowledge reports on her. I think the reason she issued the non-enturbulation was because her book sales guy got too aggressive with a friend of mine who he dated and she told someone that he tried to rape her. And the police were involved. So I wrote to the book sale’s senior who was in OSA and told her what I thought of her and the book sales guy and the Sacramento org. And they were trying to quiet things down so they used me to put my “head on a pike.”
Within a week or so I shopped for a new apartment and put down my first and last months of rent. So once I moved to my new apartment and had my real job, I left and moved and began my new life and still had a few scientologist friends who would tell me the crap that happened after I left. I heard that the ED hung up the goldenrod copies all over the org. She tacked them up all up and down the hallways, every 10 feet so that everyone could see it. And then she began interrogating all of my male friends. She wanted to know whom I was doing a ‘2-d’ with. But I wasn’t with anybody. She couldn’t accept that I left on my own and that I am working and didn’t need them any more. She thought that, like her, I needed a man to support me. And when they found out that I’d already been at my wog job for about 5 or 6 months they finally just left me alone and declared me ‘sp’. But I didn’t know this for years and years later, that I’d been declared.
I wanted to say that the days weeks and months after I actually left that org were probably the most difficult. In that I lived on the property of the SP’s ED and the HCO guy who was the ED’s wife. There were a couple of older guys who I shared a small house with. One was an X-SO member who didn’t work. The other was an alcoholic artist, x-staff member. And I’d gotten a job immediately at a company where I’d temp’d while on staff. But the strangest things were happening. I think I was being ‘fair-gamed’ without realizing it. One morning I went out and looked at my oil and the oil level in my car was empty. Someone had literally opened the hood of my car and stole the cap off the oil pan at the engine. I was so angry and immediately took my car to the car repair and got it filled with oil and bought a cap. Then I also remember that when the call from my job came, that someone deleted the call from the company saying that they wanted me to come in for hiring. The reason I found this out was because I did a follow up call to the company and the manager said that she had left me a message. And the telephone was mine, and in my name. So they were fucking with me and my chance for an income to survive.
What I like about this was that they could not stop me. I endured, even though there were people who were actively getting in my way and putting obstacles in my way to hinder me. I moved on, and then moved out. As soon as I was away from the likes of those freaks I felt my life get better, instantly. Another sign that these were bad people. They were ruining my life. I’d finally had it. And they would not let go of me. But I extracted myself from them and walked away with class.
I really do think that these people, the ED and her husband and all the group of sickos who were surrounding her at that org were some seriously demented bunch of humans. I can say this for sure now. I had heard that the best revenge is to live well. And during that year I even earned enough to buy a car, one with a lock on the hood so they could not open it and screw with my engine. And I didn’t tell them where I’d gone. That was done intentionally.
I have no love loss for any of the people I knew on staff at that time. Absolutely none. I am sure that if I saw them in present time that I’d have nothing to say to them. I would laugh inside. I could not trust anybody while on staff and I still have issues trusting people, anybody. I had only 2 real friends while on staff. One guy’s name was Brian Anjo and the other was a girl named Tracey Neely. Brian is not in touch with me now, as we had a falling out after an email I received from him. In it he called me “insane” for writing him an email about Yahoo Astrology. What set me off was they way that scientologists will fling that word around. Saying that a person is “insane” so offends me. Considering that they are all insane, in context of what real insanity is. Tracy was someone I recruited off the purif, while I was the PPO. She trained to be an auditor. She lives in Sacramento and is still with her husband and family. They have a business together and she is not on lines now.
The way that org was set up actually created a feeling of no trust among the staff and low morale. As if I always had to watch my back, and with good reason, considering how many people came forward to trash me when the going got tough. Well, they got theirs. There is a saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. After I left, I could see what that means.
Most of the issues I had while on staff were directly related to feeling so low without money and a good place to live after I lost my home. Stupidly I though that as long as I was “on purpose” and “on staff” that I would have a kind of protection from everything. But it’s the abuse and harassment that finally turned me away forever. While going without food for days, one cannot make decisions. I was always weak and felt vulnerable as hell while there. The long hours and abuse without food was a recipe for a breakdown. I recall that even months after I’d left, when I’d been in my own apartment and at a new job for a while, that I was feeling just really uncomfortable in a way that I never had before. Eventually the awful feelings went away, but never totally. I guess it was a symptom of my post-traumatic stress disorder. But I can still remember the feeling.
And I had so much animosity toward all the staff that I literally could not communicate with any of them without going into a rage. Once I somehow got some mail from a letter writer who used to be a ‘friend’ while on staff. Her letter said something like “you used to be staff, I don’t recognize your name.” And I ignored it. So then I began receiving mail and dissemination brochures that were laughable. One of the brochures I received literally said that there are “millions of people “flocking” through the doors of scientology doors every day.” And that if I don’t act now, that I will be left out of this wonderful thing. And then I actually got a bill from one of the stinking assholes that never bathed. His name is Denny. He had the nerve to send me a bill for my ‘freeloader’ debt. Then I wondered if they were harassing me. So I called him and told him that they should take me off their mailing list. And that I had gotten a huge IRS tax return check, but that I had no intention of sending them any money, and that I would be using the money for a down payment on a car, and I did.
I am not sure, but I think it was around this time that they issued the ‘sp’ declare on me. But I cannot be sure. Some time around this time I needed to file my tax return and I listed the c of s as a previous employer. I had not gotten my W-2 from them. The last post I had was Treasury and I knew they were behind in their workload. So I had the nice tax preparer at H&R Block to call them for me. I told him they were a cult and I wanted nothing to do with them any more so did not want to call them. He was more than happy to call them for me. He was one of those older, conservative types who was probably a person who owned his own home and had a comfortable life. I still remember him as he was so helpful. So after he got my tax stuff for me from them, I received another KR from an idiot at the org, writing about me not giving them my new address so they didn’t know where to send my tax stuff. And in that envelope with the KR, there was a Tech issue that was usually printed on the legal size paper, the one all about PTSness. Oh my God, that pissed me off! It was as if these nut jobs were harassing me still. Just seeing any church stuff on paper set me off. SO I called the LA ethics office and screamed at them about the idiots at the Sacramento org sending me crap in the mail. And I put that stuff back in an envelope, after tearing it to shreds, and mailed it back to them all ripped into shreds. And I got such a huge tax return that I put a down payment on a new car, not new used, but new to me.
I think I called that org too that day and got this bitch Krista on the phone as she then had my old post in Treasury and she tried verbally abusing me. Saying something about how I had a “wog” call them for my tax W-2’s. It offended me so much, hearing her call this nice man a “wog” in that vicious sounding tone I was so used to. I had not been around that verbal abuse in so many months. So when I heard it again, it seemed so inappropriate. So I gave it back to her too. And I wrote her a letter. They used to call my letters “poison pen letters”.
The thing that happens in a cult, not just scientology but others also, is that you get your personal boundaries violated over and over. Even the auditing in a way is a violation. In that the management ends up looking into your folder. I once saw my folder wide open on the ED’s desk in plain view. Looking back I see how wrong that was, her rifling thru my personal auditing folder for her own personal reason and just the fact that she had the access to do that, even though it was so wrong. The concept of personal boundaries is new to me. I had mine violated over and over. The idea of it being right or LRH tech to intrude into another person’s life, or to impinge on a person, is so wrong. It’s more than wrong. I haven’t a word to describe it at this point. A cult must intrude into a person’s personal boundaries in order to keep control of its members. I find that frightening. Saying “NO” to them was so difficult. They were so …….sick, insecure and thin skinned.